The Life Expectancy of a Relationship with a Porn Addict
by
Lindsay McKinnon
Overcoming Addiction to Porn
from the partner’s point of view.
A fascinating look at the secret world of the porn addict
and the effect their addiction has on those around them.
Written from the heart, with her Liverpool humour helping to soften some of the punches, Lindsay McKinnon has made this book a very personal encounter, with a very brave and articulate woman. She has not only lived through what she is writing about, she strives to understand what happened to her, with the help of some of the worlds leading authorities on addiction to sex and pornography.
Unashamedly written for the partner and showing up porn addiction for what it is…….the result of a deliberate campaign using every add man trick in the book and a few that are’nt in there. A multi billion dollar business that hooks thousands of new addicts every day ….a good percentage of them under 16.
Join her Campaign for Real Men not Porn Eunuchs to help bring this subject of overcoming addiction to porn into the public domain and we need you to make our voice louder, so that we can regain some control of our society and reclaim sexual intimacy for real people.
The Life Expectancy of a Relationship With a Porn Addict,
is an in-depth look at the problems of dealing with ”porn addiction” from the point of view of the partner ….. the porn widow. They often end up in therapy for ;PTSD, in the divorce court (over 53% of divorces now cite porn use in their case) and in extreme cases committing suicide.
Lindsay has had much help and encouragement from many of the top researchers in the field, many of whom can be found on her Chatting with Lindsay. pod casts.
The book has taken nine months to write and led Lindsay to many of the counsellors, psychologists and alternative therapists, who assist her in her quest to help partners of porn addicts on the road to sexual and spiritual recovery.
Lindsay has written a humorous and informative manual for staying sane, that is easy to read and will help the reader to deal with the pain of herporn addictedpartner’s actions.
The approach is that of a best friend offering support, advice, empowerment and a kick up the ass when required.
Lindsay’s Liverpudlian character shines through in her straight from the hip style.
The reader gets all the facts, from the scientific data (explained in a language you won’t find in any text book), statistics on everything from he rate of employees accessing porn in the work place,to the alarming increase in the risk of infidelity and divorce.
There are case studies, interviews and quotes from scientists, psychologists, porn users, partners and even porn performers.
The end of the book is the beginning of the readers new life as she learns how to heal and discovers more about Lindsay’s own alarming and at times, heartbreaking journey.
This book will be educating partners of porn addicts for many years to come. I know you will agree.
It has been a long journey from when I first began to write You Want Me To Do WHAT With That ?! almost a year ago, to where I am now. In that year, since leaving my porn addicted partner I have built my website, read numerous books, watched god knows how many documentaries researched countless psychological studies and communicated with people across the world from porn performers to those in positions of power in the governments on both sides of the pond. While I was going through my own healing, I learned how badly others had been hurt. In researching the abuse that many partners of porn addicts go through, I also discovered the abuse that so many porn performers go through. The reason this book is so effective, is precisely because it was written as I was going through the process of my own healing. Everything the partner will feel, everything she will want to know, to understand, every miserable painful part of this journey there will be someone by her side taking the journey with her and understanding all those little things that she cannot seem to make anyone else understand or is too embarrassed to talk about. The book will give you a laugh, will make you angry, will make you see your partner’s addiction for what it is and will help you see for yourself through what I did and what many other women have done, exactly what you are dealing with and the reality of the options you have open to you. I researched, interviewed and tried to find answers to all those things that didn’t even begin to make sense to me; like, why would any red blooded male who appeared to have a passion for sex be turned off by it? Why would someone, who deemed himself to be open minded and liberal and not stifled by the confines of the prudish way society looks on sex – flinch at a sexual touch? Why would a man who declared that I was the greatest of his loves and the epitome of his ideal type - give his sexual attention to anyone and anything but me? I had never felt so alone, so betrayed, so confused, frustrated, insulted, unloved, rejected or sexually frustrated as I had in my relationship with him. This process of writing this book coincided with the journey I took and many of you will take - From the darkest time of leaving a man I loved to live alone in an empty house without a penny to my name or a stick of furniture to sit on, to being so happy that I begin every day with a huge smile on my face. He? He is in exactly the same place he was before – except a few steps closer to bankruptcy and losing his house. He’s still an addict. Like the porn equivalent of Miss Haversham, will probably be found dead, dodger in one hand, mouse in the other covered in cobwebs and surrounded by broken dreams. Porn is everywhere, which doesn’t help the addict or the partner, who is surrounded by triggers (you will learn more about triggers in the book). Say anything that is not pro porn though and you are met with a knee jerk reaction of ‘just because you’re a prude doesn’t mean you should take away my enjoyment’ or ‘well you don’t have to watch, just switch channels’Porn has become so prevalent; it’s not as easy as that. Instead of actively seeking out porn if you want to see it, you have to actively avoid it if you don’t; Which is specifically why the book, the site and the Campaign are neither pro nor anti porn. They are about the harms porn does.‘that makes you anti porn then!’No, it doesn’t. Ok, let’s say you took your kid to his new school and on the alphabet pictures placed around the wall you saw R is for Rimming and a graphic display to aid learning. You might think it a little inappropriate. Or if they were selling homemade hooch in the school tuck shop, next to the liquorice allsorts and cola, you would wonder at the sanity of the head teacher The problem is not with what consenting adults do behind closed doors, or with alcohol, it is with the impropriety of WHERE they are being shown or sold and that they are being placed in front of an audience they were not intended for. Having a problem with someone giving free gin and tonics to two year olds, does not mean you want all drink to be banned. Likewise, having a problem with kids being shown a ‘ho’ being torn a ‘new one’ does not necessarily mean you want to ban all porn. In this instance anti porn or pro porn is beside the pointThose who are into porn should be just as concerned with who sees it and the side effects it can have on the psyche as anyone else. Why would that be a problem? The research that has been done on the effects of smoking means that people are able to make a more educated decision as to whether or not they are going to smoke. It’s also meant that non smokers don’t have to be exposed to someone else’s nicotine habit. Likewise porn; if the user knows the detrimental effects it can have, it’s then up to them to make a more educated decision as to what they watch, and how much they watch. It should also mean that those who don’t want to be exposed to someone else’s porn habit, shouldn’t have to be. Primarily, the book and the site are to do with helping the partner of the porn addict, whether porn is here to stay or not, the damage being done by it, needs to be acknowledged and dealt with. I’m here to help you get your mojo back, which his porn habit has trampled all over. I’m here to help you see that ‘yes, he is behaving like a total a’hole, it’s not your imagination and it is most definitatley NOT YOUR FAULT. The book is humorous, it’s hard hitting, it’s realistic, and it’s about as romantic as your average porno, ie, not at all.One of you running away from reality to live in a land called fantasy is bad enough. In the second part of the intro, I will tell you more about the Campaign for REAL MEN not PORN EUNUCHS. Both, apparently acceptable; the performer is just a ho, she gets paid for what she does therefore, her human rights no longer exist, likewise the spouse of the addict, if she objects to being treated like the ‘ho’ on the screen, she’s a prude, she’s frigid, she’s jealous, so her complaints that what he wants her to do are painful or degrading are dismissed = her rights as a fully paid up partner in this relationship, are irrelevant and cease to exist. I had no problem with porn when I began my relationship with my partner, but I did have a problem with the lack of sex. Eventually, the amount of porn he watched and the type of porn he watched worked like aversion therapy on me. There was no reasoning with him though, as there is no reasoning with anyone who is heavily into porn. They become defensive and angry. Like Gollum they defend their precioussss porn to the death.
Saturday, 5 May 2012
The
trouble with porn on the internet is..........what?
I have just spent the
last year watching a a friend of mine grow from a shrivelled defeated
urchin to a Bodecian warrior woman, sword and shield at the
ready.....(I always hide the blue paint when she comes round.) Lindsay McKinnon came
out of a ruinous three year relationship with a porn addict not as a
victim or a survivor but as a Celtic goddess ready to rid the planet
of porn addiction and if necessary it's causes. Her new Ebook ''You
want me to do WHAT with that?! The Life Expectancy of a Relationship
with a Porn Addict'', which is published this month is not only
filled with facts and figures and places to get help with porn
addiction issues, Lindsay also adds her personal perspective and
usually wrapped it in her dry Liverpool wit. This book is a great
read and designed with the PTSD sufferer in mind......many partners
of porn addicts are treated for the symptoms of this
disorder......it's easy on the eye and lots of funny images to break
up the text, more magazine than book at times. She manages to give
the book a narrative, she wrote it as she herself repaired....and the
growth can be heard in the voice of the writer as the book
progresses. When you see figures
like 50% of men have a problem with porn in one form or another you
begin to realise this is a massive problem not just in the UK but
even in the third world.
I watched a BBC
documentary where a bunch of African guys are sat around in a mud hut
watching American porn and talking about how they go out into the
village after and find women to re-enact what they have been
watching. Rape in other words. The days when guys
would treasure a penthouse magazine for that pic that really turned
him on are gone. Now we require a
million pixels per millesecond to get a similar rush. Familiarity
really does breed contempt. The porn addict rages at the screen but
has nothing to give a real flesh and blood woman. The partner of the
porn addict rages at at the wall in a society that sees her partner's
addiction as ''a bit of fun''.
That ''Bit of fun''
ruins thousands of lives every year and it's getting
worse.........The Government have realised there's a problem..thus
the new measures to stop porn at source. This would remove quite a
lot of vulnerable people out of the direct firing line. The first thing I
heard when this was announced was the civil liberties cry....well
sorry I don't think allowing kids access to snuff sex movies is
something that comes into the civil liberties arena. If someone wants
access to porn then really it's not such a big thing to expect them
to have to ask for it. In hotels you have to ask for access to the
porn channels so why not on the porn internet channels. We need to
separate this market off from mainstream traffic. It can still be
there for people who see it as a freedom thing..but don't come
complaining if your kids see a baby being eaten alive.
We need to decide as a
society, if images of what ,only a few short years ago , would have
been call perverted, are really appropriate for young boys and girls
to learn their sexual vocabulary from.
I am not trying to
suppress anything or anyone I just think if you wouldn't want your
kids to see something, then really the choice should be to turn the
porn on ...rather than as it is now where you have to turn it off.
It's one question on the sign in stage and it's done. Just cos you
want access dent mean there's something wrong with you... it just
means that you are taking responsibility for policing the internet
use in your household.
It's time we started
talking about the elephant in the room and Lindsay's book is a very
good conversation starter.
Check out her podcasts
with experts in the field of porn addiction on the Chatting with
Lindsay page of her website www.
dontrewrdbadbehaviour.com
